Results: Be My Baby

Oliver Hinds

[At Oliver’s request, no editing was performed on his entry. Sorry. -Ed]

Melvins – Creepy Smell

melvins explored a complete space by drum intros and won’t stopped as now they have 2 drummers. i certainly could find “be my baby” intro in their catalog. sure enough, my track from ozma album satisfied. ozma is a great, great one. this is not the best song on ozma. you should’ve been listening to “oven”. or “at a crawl”. both tastily made. but let us talk around this one. several reasons to like this one present. these reasons are listed in order below.

1) whispered intro are lyrics from a gene simmons solo album. what?

2) the refrain at the end is “creepy crover”. the name of the song is “creepy smell”. crover is the drummer’s last name. does this suggest that dale crover has an offensive odor? cross reference with “you disgrace me” at the middle of the song. maybe they are saying he stinks at drums? personally i think the drums here are only slightly sub-melvins-par. and they certainly aren’t smelly.

3) several tempo changes are used. always works as a cheap way to impress me.

4) how many bands have their own nikes? (i don’t know the answer to this, but i’d like to)

5) The stream-of-consciousness riffing and just-for-pretend-sloppy-but-really-asshole-tight performance is vintage melvins. its a good example of how they managed to remain unpopular enough to keep the respect of the important fans for more than 20 years. just try to bang your head to it. i guarantee you’ll look like an asshole.

Rich Bunnell

The Spongetones – “(My Girl) Maryanna”

It’s true that Ringo is secretly everyone’s favorite Beatle, but it’s more for his doe-eyed innocence than his – admittedly underrated – musical chops. On the Spongetones’ 1984 single “(My Girl) Maryanne,” the one-time cover band envisions an alternate reality in which Ringo was set free and allowed to pursue his lifelong dream of a full-time career as conductor of Shining Time Station. Meanwhile, the remaining Fab Three recruited drummer Hal Blaine to infuse their music with the same legendary percussive cannons that made “Be My Baby” such a wonder to behold.

Rhino’s 2005 compilation “Children of Nuggets” is jam-packed with artists whose hyper-sincere imitations of their tonal papas is exactly the reason why their songs are so great. The Spongetones are possibly the most blatant masquerade act on the whole four-disc set, but christ, what a truly glorious masquerade. It’s a witty concotion that’s as grinding of an earworm as anything on “Rubber Soul” – and in the end it’s the spirit of the Ronettes that lets the whole affair fall into place.

Megan Costello

The Blow – Parenthesis

As a closet romantic, I am a sucker for a good love song. They’re my first choices to stumble through at Karaoke bars, professing my unrequited love to a microphone and a room full of strangers. I know I will survive, that I’m a lovefool. I take my cue from the ticking of the midi drums and the second the familiar cadence comes on over the PA, I know that someone out there will be my baby.

Others much more talented than myself roam the karaoke circuit looking for love and inspiration. There is no doubt that Portland, Oregon duo the Blow, self proclaimed karaoke-bar hoppers, found inspiration it in the The Ronettes. Made up of Khaela Maricich and Jona Bechtolt, the Blow released Paper Television in late 2006, an album chock full of quirky love songs.

“Parenthesis” is the jewel of the album and has been stuck in my head since early last November, when I first heard Khaela perform it live. No sooner did the backing track beat its way through a slightly altered but drum intro, did I know I had a new favorite song. Khaela bounces her way through odd proclamations of unconditional love, just begging you to sing along. She doesn’t literally say “be my baby,” but the thought is there. Your heart beats along with the song and you wish you too could find someone to partner your parenthesis.

And just in case you thought I was lying about the karaoke thing, check out the music video.



Filed under Megan Costello, Oliver Hinds, Response, Rich Bunnell

2 responses to “Results: Be My Baby

  1. soo

    the beginning of the melvins’ song sounds exactly like the beginning of j&mc’s “just like honey”!

    can i be the mo rocca of iron clef judging (only because he doesn’t have real credentials, and i identify with that)? who is judging this thing anyway? can we vote?

  2. Jake

    I’m a little disappointed in this Oliver character. He let a capital letter sneak in there on #5 of his list.

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