Results: Medication

Nicotina Chevrolet

Michael Jackson – Morphine

Present day celebrity trainwrecks wish they could aspire to the levels, the rocketing artistic heights, and even the crushing depths, that MJ takes as a matter of course. Think about it, of all those brokedown Barbie dolls that have been entertaining the tabloids these last couple of years, is there even one of them that can hold a cracktorch to the Divine Mr. J? Follow this madlibs comparison of pop star turned afterschool special vignettes and you be the judge.

The story of Britney Spears shows how early entry into show business and skyrocketing fame can later lead to emotional Britney garnered public attention and solidifed her pop star status with the release of the single and accompanying music breakdowns and public shame. Britney first gained noteriety as a member of the Mickey Mouse club. In early adulthood, video for “…Baby One More Time,” from the bestselling album of the same name. The stress of always being in the public spotlight eventually took its toll, as Britney endured relationship turmoil, emotional problems, and legal difficulties, all of which were highly publicized. Perhaps one of her lowest moments was captured on film, when Britney’s coochie was exposed for the paparazzi during one of her infamous wild nights out.

Now for MJ:
The story of Michael Jackson shows how early entry into show business and skyrocketing fame can later lead to emotional breakdowns and public shame. Michael first gained noteriety as a member of the Jackson Five. In early adulthood, Michael garnered public attention and solidified his pop star status with the release of the single and accompanying music video for “Thriller,” from the bestselling album of the same name. The stress of always being in the public spotlight eventually took its toll, as Michael endured relationship turmoil, emotional problems, and legal difficulties, all of which were highly publicized. Perhaps one of his lowest moments was captured on film, when Michael’s missing nose was exposed for the paparazzi for the paparazzi during one of his infamous child molestation trials.

I rest my case.

As for substance abuse, Michael remains that rare celebrity who we kind of hope is doing a lot of drugs, because really, it would explain a lot. And while he undoubtedly still thinks of himself as a superhero who saved all those kids from the evil drug dealing Joe Pesci in Moonwalker, MJ does admit to his own personal battle with additiction. In fact, he dedicated the album “Blood on the Dance Floor” to Sir Elton John, for his during Michael’s struggles with painkillers. Because he suffers, oh Lord, how he suffers. From that same album, I present you with the first and last word on opiates, from the King of Pop himself, Michael Jackson.

p.s. You must listen to the bridge to fully appreciate the pathos and beauty of Michael’s experience.

Matt Silver

Michael Jackson – Heal The World

To the readers of Iron Clef: before you take your next dose, prescription or otherwise, remember that the power to heal comes from within.

Himanshu Mhatre

Marvin Gaye – Sexual Healing

Ain’t no better cure for the worn out soul
Ain’t nothing better then to make u feel that whole
Feel the world rising, those storming hues
And let the rhythm of the heart heal those blues
Ain’t no better pill, Ain’t no better feeling
Ain’t no better medication than sexual healing

Heal me with your mouse clicks.

Vote!

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