Results: Sex

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James Boo XTC – When You’re Near Me I Have Difficulty Challenging me to write about sex is kind of like challenging Marc Summers to write about being doused with slime on the set of Nickelodeon’s Double Dare. That said, Marc and I are both grateful for the existence of XTC’s “When You’re Near Me I Have Difficulty,” a jittery nerd-pop anthem for all the boys and girls who have trouble distinguishing between exhilaration and terror when coming into bodily contact with the fairer species. Drawing lyrical imagery from a twelve-year-old’s journal and a skittering pulse to match, Andy Partridge & Co. capture the anxieties of a romantically befuddled soul trying to cope with the physical complications of the love bug. Never mind the fact that the narrator never reaches first base; it’s his internal monologue of self-centered neuroticism that so vividly depicts an inexperienced lover’s struggle with one of humanity’s most basic instincts. After all, when all of your peers have established batting averages while you’re still figuring out how to grip the bat, what more can you do with yourself than write a song about it?

Oliver Hinds Scratch Acid – Lay Screaming I’ve never had sex, but i’ve often imagined what it would be like. This post was a challenge for me. I struggled to find a song that fit my (perhaps idealized) view of the act. The song I settled on captures if not what sex is, then what sex should be. Just like the act, David Yow’s lyrics evoke pleasure, serenity, and joy. Sex should be about love, and he understands that. The progressive degeneration of modern society is obvious, and this song serves as a yardstick to measure the lengthening rip in our moral fabric.

Jake Mix Viktor Vaughn – Let Me Watch Roof over your head? Shirt on your back? Food on your table? Good, now go out there and try to get laid. Rock, though far from subtle, can be relied upon to hide it’s fleshy meanings under a thick layer of euphemism. Hip hop, on the other hands, tends to roll a bit more balls out, so to speak, ass-griding through your ears and into your brain. MF Doom, working under his Viktor Vaughn pseudonym, slows things down a bit and relates the pre-coitus mating dance of a rapper and young girl he sees as easy prey in Let Me Watch from 2003’s Vaudeville Villain. Doom plays his part as an overly self-confident and clueless ladies man who name drops fellow musicians in order to win the young lass’ affections. Apani B. is the innocent Nikki, with her 8:30 curfew, still lives with at home with momma. At first, the two make quite the couple, discussing politics, art, and, apparently, chess over dinner. Once Doom whips out the prerequisite hip hop crudities post crudités, however, things go south and Nikki will have none of it. “I’d rather masturbate than fuck with Vik Vaughn,” sings Nikki. “Let me watch!” returns Doom. As the song winds down, Doom keeps talking, curious when Nikki will stop by to do the dirty deed. “Just ring the buzzer,” says Doom, oblivious to his mistake. It’s refreshing that, in the end, Nikki is our hero – the song ends up commenting on hip hop’s rampant sexism without tying its own hands and labeling itself Positive Hip Hop. Somehow I find myself having chosen a song without any sex in it. For everyone now nursing blue balls, here’s a little video for you to enjoy:

Flaming Marshmallow! Now you can… Vote!

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Tags: scratch acid, sex, viktor vaughn, xtc